all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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