her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
