rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
