We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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