soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
