I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Bring me that man meat
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
