why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
