New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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