Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
