just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize