I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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