omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
