She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
