I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
