Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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