I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
