A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
