That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
