If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
