I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
