i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
