Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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