literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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