Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize