Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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