It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
