Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
