I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
