So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude i'm inner monologue high
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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