Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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