It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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