i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sext me about skeletons
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize