what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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