who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
