Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
