You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
