TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
and she was petting her beer can
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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