I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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