I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize