can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
