Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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