My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
