WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
