She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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