then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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