Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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