Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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