so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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