Dignity is for republicans.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
