mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
