I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
