So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
