The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it's great music for shaving your balls
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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