how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
