I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
