My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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