So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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