Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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