The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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