i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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