Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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