I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
