I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
smell my finger.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
