Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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