Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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