I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
