Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
