i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
