peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
